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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28415259">Late Night Consultations</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BenevolentErrancy/pseuds/BenevolentErrancy'>BenevolentErrancy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Asexual Character, Asexual Fenris (Dragon Age), Character Study, Discussion about Sexuality, Dragon Age II - Act 2, During the break up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:00:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,208</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28415259</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BenevolentErrancy/pseuds/BenevolentErrancy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a tentative knock on his clinic door that made Anders look up from where he was carefully sorting and folding bandages. It was an odd sort of sound to hear at this time of night. His lanterns were out, so most Darktowners knew that he was finished for the time and to come back later if it wasn't something urgent. If it was something urgent the knock wasn't usually so hesitant.</p>
<p>A late night visit from Fenris leads to awkward conversations and some revelations about the elf that Anders can't say he had ever had any desire to learn.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anders &amp; Fenris (Dragon Age), Fenris &amp; Isabela (Dragon Age), Fenris/Male Hawke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>61</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Late Night Consultations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is an ancient fic from an even older kinkmeme prompt. Lately I've been seeing discussions about the ace community's destructions and it made me feel sad and nostalgic. When I was coming to terms with my sexuality there was a thriving community, lots of jokes and memes and friendly support, and, of course, fics with ace headcanons that helped me figure things out. I've seen way less ace fics these days and decided to dig up one of my old fics and brush it off.</p>
<p>The original prompt:<br/>"Fenris comes to Anders's clinic because he thinks there might be something wrong with him, and this is the first time he has access to a healer he trusts... to a certain degree. The 'problem' is that he never gets aroused and sex doesn't interest him, and that's something everyone should want, right? So he hopes Anders will fix him, and maybe then he'll be able to reciprocate Hawke's/Isabela's/someone else's advances. <br/>Anders helps Fenris figure out his sexuality (or lack of it), and in the process they get a bit closer to each other."</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a tentative knock on his clinic door that made Anders look up from where he was carefully sorting and folding bandages. It was an odd sort of sound to hear at this time of night. His lanterns were out, so most Darktowners knew that he was finished for the time and to come back later if it wasn't something urgent. If it was something urgent the knock wasn't usually so hesitant.</p>
<p>And then if it was Hawke he may as well not have closed his door at all.</p>
<p>Anders considered ignoring it – it was late, he'd spent countless hours treating all manner of injuries, his mana was spent, and if he swallowed another lyrium potion today he was going to throw up. But he couldn't. He was their healer, for better or worse. One more patient wouldn't kill him but it might kill the patient if he ignored them. So with a sigh he placed the bandages down, took up his staff (because even though he had never known a templar to politely knock it was better safe than sorry) and went to open the door.</p>
<p>Fenris was just about the last person he expected to be responsible for that little knock. Anders stared down at him while Fenris glowered up. Looking around though didn't reveal any of their other companions and Fenris didn't <em>look</em> like he was actively in the process of dying, which in Anders' experience was about the only thing that could compel him to accept magical aid. And even then, barely and often under duress.</p>
<p>“...Has something happened?” Anders asked. He was really hoping that he wasn't about to hear how Hawke had decided to smuggle home some baby drakes and was being mauled by it up in Hightown or something. You would think living as an ex-Grey Warden apostate with the Spirit of Justice inside him would be about the weirdest possible thing in his life, but friendship with Hawke taught you that it could <em>always</em> get weirder.</p>
<p>“Can I come in, or not?” was all he got as a response.</p>
<p>So, rolling his eyes, Anders stood back and let the elf stalk into his clinic. Where he kept stalking, pace back and forth, expression thunderous. Anders edged around him, eyeing him cautiously, before sitting down on one of the empty cots.</p>
<p>“So, did you actually want something or was it just too hard to stay away from sparkling wit?” asked Anders. If all Fenris intended to do was wear a grove in his floor than Anders would much prefer he do it in his own, dilapidated home and far away from his.</p>
<p>“Yes,” snapped Fenris.</p>
<p>Anders waited expectantly. When nothing more seemed likely to come he pressed, “Yes, you <em>did</em> just miss my wit? Because if it's my wit you want then I have a few suggestions about how you might conduct yourself when we're all together at the Hanged Man.”</p>
<p>Fenris stopped pacing entirely, dragging one gauntleted hand down his face instead as if in physical pain. “I... You're a healer.”</p>
<p>Again Fenris seemed determined to stall so Anders filled the silence, “Correct... I was pretty sure we were well established on that particular fact. Healer, apostate, abomination, dashing rascal, that's me.”</p>
<p>Fenris scowled at him. “I... am in need of assistance. Of a healer.”</p>
<p>Okay that was a bit more concerning. If Fenris was actually coming to ask Anders to heal him that meant it was something that an elfroot potion, a splash of alcohol, and his own bloody-mindedness couldn't fix. Anders could already tell that this conversation would be like extracting teeth and he felt all together too tired to work it out with Fenris but he wanted even less to explain to Hawke why his elvish siege-weapon had died on his doorstep. If Anders had hoped that Fenris rejecting Hawke all those years ago would do anything to temper the man's affection for the elf he had been sorely mistaken and that meant Anders' acquaintance with Fenris must continue to be, if not friendly, then at least functional. So with some reluctance he swallowed his own exhaustion and annoyance, stood to pour himself a cup of the by now cold, tar-like tea that had been left on the stove all day, and gesture towards a cot.</p>
<p>“Do you need to sit down?” asked Anders seriously. Maybe if they could keep this professional it would be done sooner.</p>
<p>“No I don't need to sit down,” snapped Fenris, immediately ruining that theory.</p>
<p>Raising a hand defensively, Anders backed off and took a long first sip of the tea. Fenris figetted on the spot, not meeting Anders' eyes anymore, instead his gaze was focused on the scrap of red fabric he wore on his wrist, tugging at it distractedly. “I need your oath, mage, that you will not breath a word of this to anyone.”</p>
<p>Anders rolled his eyes; okay <em>now</em> he had a slightly better idea about what this was about. “Look, if you've caught something embarrassing let's just get on with it. Isabela's here nearly every other week, it's <em>not</em> a big deal.” (Although if that was the case Anders was absolutely not above ribbing Fenris about it later. After all, the way Anders heard it <em>Fenris</em> had been the one to choose to leave <em>Hawke</em>. Anders could strangle the bastard for that alone, and if Fenris did it just to go have relations with random dock workers or something Anders was willing to be just a little petty about it.)</p>
<p>“I– that is <em>not </em>what I'm here about,” Fenris snarled. He turned sharply then. “It was a mistake to come here. I'll see myself out.”</p>
<p>Anders jumped and just managed to grab Fenris' elbow before he stormed out of the clinic. The look Fenris swung at him made Anders wonder if he shouldn't have been more concerned about receiving a fist through his chest, but he ploughed on.</p>
<p>“You don't need to leave,” he said. “I was just trying to figure out what was wrong. If it's not that, then just tell me what is the problem for Andraste's sake and then we can both be on our way. And that way I don't need to worry that you're suddenly going to collapse half way up the Sundermount and that I'll get blamed for letting you die of your own stubbornness or something.”</p>
<p>Fenris jerked his arm away from Anders but he didn't actually leave, so that was something. Anders wasn't completely sure it was a <em>good </em>something but at this point he would feel bad if Fenris left ill. Especially since that did come with the very real threat of a miserable Hawke who still, for some inexplicable reason, had feelings for the moody elf. Finally though Fenris' shoulders seemed to sag a bit in defeat and he returned to the centre of the clinic where he sank onto one of the cots.</p>
<p>“Your word, mage,” he said, voice low.</p>
<p>“Fine, I swear on Andraste's dimpled buttcheeks not to tell anyone about whatever mysterious medical malady you apparently have. Happy?”</p>
<p>Fenris didn't rise to the bait, not even to grunt or glare. After a few false starts though, Fenris finally began to explain.</p>
<p>“I... I believe it is something that has plagued me my whole life– or as long as I can recall, at least. It is... more of an absence, than anything, so it's not easy to pinpoint, exactly. At first I thought... perhaps simply being a slave... Of course, you heard others talk of it so clearly other slaves did not share this... defect, but still it gives little time for such consideration... I thought perhaps once I was free it would... fix itself. But it has not. It seems only have gotten worse. I have tried remedies that have been suggested but none of it does any good. Even if it offers a physical result, mentally it... There seems to be no cure.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” said Anders, not unkindly. “Back up. I still don't understand, what exactly has been plaguing you?”</p>
<p>Again Fenris <em>fidgeted</em>. Which wasn't uncommon, Fenris was always shifting from foot to foot or looking around like every little noise caught his attention, but there was something very uncomfortable about seeing Fenris fidget as a way to put off a conversation <em>—</em> the elf was nothing if not pigheaded and self-assured in the most frustrating ways. But Anders bit his tongue and waited while Fenris tugged at that little piece of red fabric again, as if hoping it would give him some sort of courage to admit to what was troubling him.</p>
<p>“It is... sex.”</p>
<p>It was hard to tell with Fenris' dark skin, but Anders swore he could see the tips of his ears reddening.</p>
<p>“What?” said Anders, a little blindsided. “Not able to get it up?”</p>
<p>Fenris recoiled like he'd been slapped and <em>glowered</em>. But then he grit his teeth and breathed out, steeling himself for the conversation.</p>
<p>“In a sense.”</p>
<p>“There are potions for that,” said Anders, who was really wishing he wasn't having this conversation either. He was pretty certain the images that were accompanying it would haunt Anders for a long time, at inopportune moments.</p>
<p>“Yes, and did I not just say I have tried such remedies?” snapped Fenris. “Physically... it is doable. With aid or on my own, I can achieve <em>that</em>. It is... It is more than that,” he admitted, slouching down again. “I... with Hawke,” he admitted.</p>
<p>It was all Anders could do then not to simply cover his ears and start humming to himself to avoid this conversation. The last thing he wanted was to hear about Hawke and <em>Fenris</em> being intimate. He resisted though, only because the elf looked so damnably miserable and Anders had said he would try to help.</p>
<p>“There is more too it, none of which concerns you, mage,” Fenris continued, “but that was... a part of it. I could not... I thought, when I was free, when it was my own will to do so, when I found someone I cared for I would be able to... feel, what I was meant to feel. And with Hawke I felt... I felt everything. But not that. Even with him, not that. I could not. We kissed, we made our way to his bed and it was fine. Better than fine. But after that... I could not. I made my excuses and he seemed... okay with it, for the evening, and we simply spent the night together. It was wonderful,” he said, voice low. “I would have every night for the rest of my life like that if I could. But to ask that of Hawke... to have to explain it. I could not. Not on top of everything else that came with that night. It was all too much, so I left. I thought perhaps I could find a cure on my own, fix this one thing at least and return to Hawke but... well, it has not yet proved fruitful.”</p>
<p>“Okay...” said Anders. He was resigning himself to needing to have a talk with Fenris that normally he reserved for patients more around the age of thirteen. “So you aren't, what, sexually interested in Hawke then?” Maker only knew how you could not be, the man was a column of muscle and confidence, he was what desire demons <em>wished</em> they could be. “Have you considered the fact that he's a man? Some people have specific preferences in regards to the sex of their partner. <em>I'm</em> not picky, but you know Aveline only likes men. I <em>think</em> Sebastian only likes women but that might just be Andraste, who knows.”</p>
<p>Fenris scowled at him but there wasn't much heat behind it. “I am perfectly aware of that, mage. If that was all, then at least I would have an answer. It isn't a matter of men and women. I have feelings for men, as I do for women, but they all... lack.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Before all this, I had gone to Isabela. I thought if anyone would be able to figure out what it was that wasn't... working properly, that wasn't connecting, perhaps she could figure it out. I thought perhaps... if I experimented with her, I would be able to face Hawke, I would be able to figure out what was wrong.”</p>
<p>“I take it that didn't go very well,” said Anders.</p>
<p>“No,” spat Fenris. Then he sighed. “It could have gone worse. I'm pleased I went to her. But it only took a few minutes for it to be clear that my... body, my mind, was not going to cooperate and she called it off.” A smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. “We sat in her bed and read instead. It was not what I went for but it wasn't a terrible way to spend an evening. She has some truly <em>awful</em> sea-faring novels, they would put Varric's romances to shame.”</p>
<p>Anders couldn't help but wonder what Fenris had been feeling at the time. He explained it now fairly casually, as if Isabela had simply gone down on him, found nothing to work with, shrugged and said “ah well let me read you pirate erotica instead”. But the set of his shoulders, the tremor in his hands made Anders think it had not been such an easy, pleasant experience at the time. Some things would be frustrating and humiliating regardless of a friend's confidence or understanding. On the other hand, he was also pretty certain he knew what Fenris' perceived “problem” was.</p>
<p>“Okay, Fenris, I don't... actually think I can help you,” said Anders slowly, but held his hands up quickly when Fenris bristled and looked like he was about to make some demand or retort. “I don't think I can help you because there <em>is nothing wrong with you</em>. Well, not about that at least. Your mage-hating hypocrisy is going to take me longer than one clinic session though.” He continued before Fenris could get some rebuttal in. “Look, I told you some people are only attracted to men, some only to women, and some to a variety of genderrs right?”</p>
<p>Fenris was still scowling, but he nodded mutely.</p>
<p>“Well, and it isn't as common, but some people simply aren't attracted to anyone. Some may still fall in love, others may not, but regardless of that they arern't interested in the, hm, more <em>carnal</em> aspects as it were. I think that's what you are.”</p>
<p>The expression on Fenris' face was something open and fragile.</p>
<p>“How is that possible?” Fenris asked.</p>
<p>Anders shrugged. “It... just is? It's just how some people are. Some people have no sexual interest in men, some have no sexual interest in women. Some, evidently, have no sexual interest in either. That spark of... of desire? Of attraction? It isn't there, regardless of sex, species, or aesthetic. It's neither good nor bad, it just is. There's nothing wrong with you.”</p>
<p>Fenris closed his eyes, the delicate expression taking on cracks.</p>
<p>“So you can't fix it,” he said.</p>
<p>“There's nothing to fix,” said Anders, forcefully. He would fight with Fenris on all manner of things but in this, at least, he would do right by him. Anders knew what it meant to feel broken because of how you were born and he wouldn't encourage it in others.</p>
<p>Fenris leapt to his feet then, pacing once more, fury and hopelessness in every step. “No,” he growled. “There has to be something. This– this has to be something Danarius did to me. Some magic, some curse or, or, or poison that can be bled out.”</p>
<p>“Look,” said Anders, “if you like I can give you a once over with my magic, see if there is something hidden there, but...”</p>
<p>“<em>Yes</em>,” demanded Fenris, not bothering to sit again when Anders stood and gripped his staff.</p>
<p>Anders let a wave of healing magic pass over Fenris, feeling for physical faults that could be fixed, probing for traces of magic. All he got was the usual, alien feeling of lyrium tattoos sparking against his magic and the strange network of scars and spellwork that made them up. Then there was the familiar whisper of scars too old now for his magic to do anything with, their tissue now part of the healthy body once more. And, almost more of an after thought, a slight tickle in Fenris' sinuses that was probably the start of a cold — Anders gave it a quick shot of healing, no point making them all suffer Fenris' snuffling later when it grew worse. Besides that, there was nothing. No ancient, malevolent curses. No lingering poisons. No hidden wounds that could tamper with one's sexual interest; he had never felt such things when he had healed Fenris in the past, and there was certainly nothing now. And he told Fenris as much.</p>
<p>“Look,” he said. “Have you actually tried talking to Hawke about any of this?”</p>
<p>“And say what, mage?” said Fenris. His tone seemed to suggest a ferocity that he wasn't able to keep up. “That I lo– that I care for him but cannot be with him because of faults of my own body? Or that if he wishes to have me he will have to give up on sex entirely? Or that I should just close my eyes and bear it, convince myself that being with Hawke in every other way makes up for the nights that must be endured?”</p>
<p>Fenris lingered over that last possibility with a little too much consideration so Anders jumped in quickly.</p>
<p>“No! Flames, I'm not saying either of you need to throw yourself into the Void or something ridiculous, why must you both be so dramatic. Just... talk to him? Perhaps, just <em>maybe</em>, Hawke might <em>possibly</em> have feelings for you and may have an opinion on that matter.”</p>
<p>He hoped the Maker was watching because he was being a very good person right now, he was pretty sure it burnt his mouth a little to admit that.</p>
<p>“And just possibly Hawke would like to at least know what's going on and have the chance to make up his own mind on whether or not 'life with no sex' is truly as awful as you're suggesting it would be to him. Because, for the record, I haven't exactly heard many stories about him jumping into the nearest warm bed since you and him broke things off to revel in your moody drama.”</p>
<p>Fenris was giving him a considering look. “You honestly think that could work?”</p>
<p>Anders resisted the urge to scream. “Maybe. I don't know. At this point it honestly couldn't hurt.” It wouldn't have hurt three years ago either but who was he to quibble.</p>
<p>Fenris nodded to himself and, after a moment, left towards the clinic door. He paused with his hand on the latch though.</p>
<p>“Mage,” he said, not turning around. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“It's alright,” said Anders, not sure what else to say to something like that.</p>
<p>He was surprised to find, after the clinic door clicked shut behind Fenris and Anders was left in the calm once more, that he hoped things worked out well for them both.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This fic is old and mostly rambling from back in the day when I was still personally trying to sort things out for myself. I tried to bump the quality a bit closer to my current standards but it is what it is and I wanted something I could contribute. I don't know if it holds any interest to anyone but myself, but I enjoy writing these slightly vitriolic assholes so here it is.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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